Halloween 2013

So, I'm not really good at participating in things like Halloween. I haven't really done anything for Halloween for such a long time, and I can't really say that I understand the holiday, and usually that's enough to get me out of any activity that requires dressing up. But this year, there was a Percussion Ensemble concert that I really wanted to go to, that just happened to fall on Halloween and of course, costumes were suggested.

I was planning on just going to the concert and not participating in the whole costume thing, but let's just say that I have some friends who...encouraged me to not be that lame :). So after throwing together a costume at the absolute last minute, I went. In costume. And I must say, tonight was a BLAST! And the concert was spectacular too. :)

I think I make a pretty good goddess, don't you?

Tonight kinda proved a point that I've been chewing on for a while. I have never really been someone willing to step out of my little comfort zone in the name of being silly and having fun, in public anyways. I don't think that this part of me will change over night, or even my tendency to kinda shrink back and observe will ever completely go away. However, I wonder what ridiculously fun experiences I've missed out on because I wasn't willing to be a little bit silly in front of people. I can't help but be a little bit sad for all of the good, fun things I probably missed out on because I was so concerned about what other people would think about me. No, not everybody dressed up for the concert tonight, or went to eat dinner in their concerts, and yes, they probably thought that I looked a little silly walking through campus in the rain dressed up like a goddess laughing my butt off with some of my friends, but I would not trade this night for anything in the world. It was so refreshing to just be silly and joyful and to be having so much fun that quite frankly it didn't matter what was going on in other peoples' minds. I think that maybe I need to live my daily life a little more like I did tonight. Participate a little more and worry about what everybody else thinks a little less.

Make New Friends...

You wanna know something? Making friends is hard. And its not like working out hard, or calculus hard. Its hard like here I can either be lonely all the time and not share life with anybody, or I can risk looking like a complete idiot and ask if you want to eat lunch together, and further the awkwardness by making horrible small talk or word-vomiting about life. Talk about a rock and a hard place.

I was so blessed by my friends back home. I had a group of spectacular girls that were my rock all through high school. I never realized how much they pointed me towards Christ until I moved and they weren't right there all the time to help keep me in check. Our friendships were beautiful things, and I think one of the most clear illustrations I have of how life is supposed to work- with a community of Jesus-lovers. And these friendships have all continued, and I honestly believe that they will continue for the rest of our lives. These relationships have changed so much in the past few months, and as hard as it is to be so far away from the people I love the best, I know that our friendships won't stop because life gets in the way!

But I almost think that having such amazing girls at home made it harder to move here. I love being in in Murray and I have never been more sure that I'm where I'm supposed to be, but that doesn't mean leaving everything and everyone you know is easy. I'm figuring out so much about who I am and who I want to be that its scary. And I know that these times are supposed to be the stories I tell for the rest of my life (yeah, whatever), but I'm still pretty lonely sometimes. So many days end with me having NOTHING left to give to anybody. So many of my friendships require so much of me, and its hard. But God is so faithful (sensing a theme about my college experience thus far?) I have finally made some friendships that I feel like could grow into those "friends from college" who hang around my life for a while. :)

New Life

So obviously the whole new blog plan thing was a no go. Sometimes you have ideas that sound great, and then life happens and you never get to find out if your ideas were as great as they seemed (which honestly, is probably not a bad thing to begin with...). So yeah, also in the last few months life has completely changed. Completely.

I am now a music major at Murray State. I am hours away from anything and anyone I'm used to and its been the weirdest few months of my life. These few months have been some of the most difficult and lonely and scary of my life, but God has been so faithful and He has placed some fabulous people in my life and I have never been so "right where I am supposed to be." I love it, and am so thankful for this time in my life and cannot wait to see how these next few years turn out. But lemme say...

Being a music major is fantastic, yet so difficult. I love being able to focus my studies on something that I love and am passionate about, but at the same time, I miss being able to escape it as needed too. I can't do only one thing, it diminishes the joy I find in that one thing, and sometimes I find myself completely overwhelmed by the world that exists inside of the fine arts building and forget that there is a whole (real) world outside. I'm still searching for the balance.

Racer Band 2013 Pit. 

Because of the ensembles that I'm in I haven't had a lot of time to do much else, but marching band is starting to wind down, so I'm excited to get involved in hopefully a non-music activity or two (I'm thinking maybe intramural volleyball...). I have been able to find a church to become involved with, and I've even joined a life team and become a part of the "guest services" team, which means I get to make and serve coffee with a smile, and I've loved how a bunch of random faces have started to become familiar and even (some of them) get paired with a name!

Some days have been fairly rough, and some could not have been more perfect. That's life. Yeah, I miss my friends and family and being home where I'm comfortable. However, I know that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, and that is a peace that is more powerful than even the strongest loneliness, homesickness, unsettled-ness. God is so faithful. If I have learned anything these past weeks, its been that.