I'm A Survivor!

My first semester of college is officially over. I have finished conquered my classes and lived through my first finals week (not quite as bad as the stories, but no walk in the park for sure). I have learned so much this semester, and very little of it was actually Music-ed related. I am however, really glad to be home, and hope to spend this break making a little bit of money and a great deal of crafts.

My first semester ended up so much better than I was expecting. I somehow managed a 3.9 GPA (um...what?) which means no stress about maintaining my scholarships which is more of a relief than I would care to admit. And more importantly, I came out of it with some amazing friendships, as well as a greater understanding of myself, and my faith than I could have ever imagined. There is really no great way to sum up these life-changing weeks in a way that will make total sense, but I'm going to attempt my first ever top 10  5 list.

Top 5 Highlights of my First Semester.

1. Racer Band

RB 2013 Pit

I was a part of the 2013 Racer Band Pit. It was such a different marching band front ensemble experience that I was accustomed to, but ended up being so much fun. I had the opportunity to meet some awesome people (including a girl who took Oboe lessons from the same teacher I had back home- crazy right?) and learn some fun, fun music. Also, diving right into something this time consuming pretty much forced me to learn how to manage my time more efficiently than I thought was possible. Spending a minimum of 10 hours a week at the stadium in addition to a 17 credit hour class load, and 5 scholarship hours a week on top of trying to spend enough time practicing and doing homework (and sleeping) almost did me in, and certainly limited my social life to almost nothing. Its a good thing that there were over 250 people to meet in RB.

2. My Applied Lessons

Smashed reeds= free therapy.

As a music major, I am required to take private lessons on my main instrument. For me, this means an hour a week playing the oboe in the 5th floor office of one Mr. Erickson. I absolutely LOVE my lessons, and many times, in addition to playing, they turned into reed- help sessions, or general therapy sessions. My oboe professor is a fantastic man of God, who helped me get through the craziness that was my first semester in more ways than I could express. I am so thankful for him, and am always in awe of the contrast that exists between my excitement for my weekly lessons, and the brass players' dread. I have also grown incredibly as a musician during this semester, and am excited to see what is coming.

3. Journey Church

This is the stage set-up for my last Sunday
 before break, which also happened to be
 the firsttime I got to play with the band.

One thing that I was MOST sad about leaving when I moved was my home church. I cannot tell you how much I love the people there, and the community that exists. It was so important to me that I find a church in my new (temporary) hometown, and I spent many nights awake worrying about how that was going to happen. I did a little bit of "church shopping" which was greatly uncomfortable and I didn't particularly like (and here is a blog post that I would have found invaluable at the time). But soon after moving, I had a conversation with a soon to be dear friend, and he was talking about going to the Journey. After a few Sundays, I decided to give it a try, and it was very different than I had expected, and Jesus definitely spoke to my heart there. And very quickly after deciding that I would give it another shot, I jumped right in to a life team, and through that opportunity after opportunity has shown up for me to get involved, and I think for now, it is the right place for me, and that is deeply reassuring.

4. Old Friends, New Friends

"Make new friends, but keep the old
one is silver but the other gold"

One thing that I think is kinda unique about me, is the friend group I had in high school. I was blessed with a fabulous group of Jesus- loving girls that all stuck together, and grew closer throughout HS. That being said, we were all pretty devastated when graduation came and we all ended up called to different universities located throughout the state. I ended up going the farthest away and while that has definitely stretched my relationship with these girls, there is no doubt in my mind, that because of the deep bond that exists between us, our friendship will change but not end. It has been extremely cool to see how college is changing us and yet to know that we still love each other and seem to pick right back up where we left off when we are together. Going to college and leaving behind these beautiful friendships was terribly difficult, but was something that needed to happen, and I can say with full confidence, that God is incredibly faithful. Because of my crazy schedule and lack of free time (thank you Racer Band) I didn't have a lot of time to go meet new people. But because of this, I can see where God orchestrated events and meetings for me, and through them has brought new friends into my life who I love very much. I cannot imagine what my semester would have been like without these fantastic people, and ultimately am very glad that I really don't have to :)

5. Growing Up

I was debating on whether or not I should include this one, as it has been the "double edged sword" so to speak. This semester has been one where I have learned so much about who I was and what I stood for, as most college students do. But also, I have had to learn to take care of things by myself that many of my friends have not. I mean silly things, like figuring out where to get my car serviced, and some not so silly things, like deciding to switch roommates. And I had no choice but to learn to handle them on my own. It's not like I could just hop in the car and get my mom to help me. Sure, she gave me all the advice, prayers, and encouragement she could, but I ultimately was left to my own devices. It was terribly scary, and yet such a typical part of life, I feel almost silly sometimes when I think about just how scared I was at first. I have grown so much, and for the most part, I think that the growth I have experienced has been taking me on the path to becoming the person I want to be, and that is really what life is about, is it not?

This was something that was supposed to be posted a while ago, so forgive me if one reflecting upon 2013 and looking forward to 2014 also comes a long sometime today. :)

Boys Boys Boys

It seems that everywhere I look right now there is some article about knowing you're in a relationship with the right guy or reassuring those of us who are single that our guy is out there. As a single college girl, it does kinda suck to be single, really it does. But having been in relationships before, I know that sometimes it kinda sucks to be in a relationship too. I wish it were as easy as just saying "I trust that God will bring me the right guy at the right time," and a part of me genuinely believes that this is all there is to it (because its truth). However, there is another part of me, perhaps the more human part, that just wants a guy to choose me, to pay me special attention and to call me his. So many of my dreams are wrapped up in being a wife and a mother and experiencing a marriage relationship that is focused on God, serving Him, and seeing where He takes us individually, and communally through it. However, I have felt for a while, and still feel (despite fighting it pretty fiercely for the past few weeks) that I am not supposed to be in a dating relationship right now. I think that I need to use this time to focus on getting my priorities straight, keeping all aspects of my life pure, and growing while still alone; before throwing a guy into my life.

If only having these rather clear-cut feelings made it easier.

But they really don't, in all honesty, it almost makes it worse. The rebellious part of me especially doesn't like it, because knowing what I'm supposed to be doing is pretty much an explicit invitation for me to do the exact opposite. Beyond that though, its just hard. There are a lot of cute guys on campus, even (especially) in the church I've been going to, and in the campus ministries that I respect (and let me tell you- a guy worshiping God with all he has in the moment is one of the most attractive things I have ever seen, but I digress). I have made some pretty spectacular guy friends, and there are days when I feel like I have just fallen head-over-heels for them. But I have realized time and time again, that the relationships I have are so much more valuable the way they are than they would be as a short, or even long-lived fling that would inevitably end in an awkward, strained barely-a-friendship. I also have confidence that if something different from friendship, or even a deeper brother-sister relationship is supposed to happen, then it will at some point become evident and the idea will be explored prayerfully. And on the hard days, that confidence is what I cling to.

But I don't believe that I am supposed to be living my college experience in a state of limbo, just waiting until my time and my guy. We are told that Jesus came to give us life abundantly, and I don't believe that there is a sub-text that says "abundant life comes after guy." There is a part of me that is so excited to still be in this time of singleness because there are so many things I can do, that being in a relationship would not really allow for. I have had the opportunity to become involved in so many different (rather time-consuming) things. I have made some eternally valuable girl- friends that I would not trade for the world. I have had opportunities to more fully become the woman that God has created me to be, and the glimpses I get of what is ahead of me are truly exciting!

Its been kind of crazy, because every time I get down and stuck in the single-blues rut, He always sends something my way to remind me of #1 His unshakable, complete power and control, and #2 how amazing the plans He has for me are, and just how unbelievably exciting the path ahead of me is. I wish that this meant that I would/ could stop thinking about it sometimes, but unfortunately I have yet to find this switch or the self- control to flip it. Instead, I have been trying to focus on the things that are in front of now, and I think that God has been faithful to my rather feeble attempt to make that step.